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  1. This is pretty much the same treatment I got. I am in recovery for my codependency. My spouse still struggles but still has no clue how hurtful this has been to my heart. I am committed to my marriage but its very rocky. I’m trusting God with my spouse because that is all I can do! I have been in so much pain and the church hasn’t done a good job giving intensive care treatment to hurting spouses. I feel very alone a lot and connection is almost impossible because it requires trust and I get lectured about not trusting my spouse by him. He has not got to the point where the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain to change. That is where I am. I want to change because remaining codependent is too painful and I know God has my healing on the otherside!!!

  2. Miss Fisher writes, “Your first words should be along the lines of “that breaks God’s heart and it breaks my heart”

    It “breaks God’s heart”???
    Where is that in the Bible?
    God never has a broken heart. What have we made of God?!!

  3. The pastors in our previous church did not take this issue seriously and did little to help us as a couple and nothing to help me as a hurting wife. At our present church I went for counselling and was told I needed to lose weight so that my husband cannot use my looks as an excuse to view pornography. I have very little faith in pastors or Christian counsellors to help and am still trying to deal with the hurt that I feel. I do not think I will ever go for counselling again or look to our church for help

    • Allie, I’m so sorry for your experience. It sounds like you were handed a chauvinistic excuse when the real problem is a spiritual one within your husband. I understand your trepidation, but I can assure you not all churches approach this problem in this fashion. I’m sorry for the pain and rejection you’ve felt as a result, and I believe that God’s goal for you is to be the sole object of your husband’s sexual desires. I’m praying for you and your husband!

    • Allie, my husband is a porn addict and we had a similar problem finding real help. Try http://www.sexhelp.com to find a REAL counselor. Dr. Patrick Carnes, who literally wrote the book on the subject, created a foundation to train counselors in how to deal with sexual additions. I seriously doubt our marriage would have been able to survive without the help my husband is getting from his therapist. There is hope out there, keep searching.

  4. Great article. Will be passing it along. I would also add to your book list: An Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hall. In it she talks about her husband’s struggle with pornography and what it did to their marriage and discusses the dos and don’ts of how leadership in church should respond. Any of us that have walked this road know all too well how well-meaning comments and suggestions just feel like another slap in the face. Pastors and church leaders really need TRAINING on this issue as it is becoming more and more prevalent and this article is a great place to start.