Dr. Pete Scazzero in his book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality on page 178-179, he shares some powerful insights about 4 Types of people that we as pastors and leaders are called to help mature into emotional adults.
- Look for others to take care of them
- Have great difficulty entering into the world of others
- Are driven by need of instant gratification.
- Use others as objects to meet their needs.
- Are content and happy as long as they receive what they want
- Unravel quickly from stress, disappointment, and trials
- Interpret disagreement as personal offenses.
- Having difficulty calmly discussing their needs and wants in a mature, loving way
- Tend to be defensive, critical and judgemental
- Are threatened and alarmed by criticism
- Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return
- Deal with conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, pouting, or ignore issue completely
- Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer–clearly, directly, and honestly
- Recognize, mange, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings
- Respect others without having to change them
- Give people room to make mistakes and not be perfect
- Accurately assess their own limits, strengths, and weaknesses and are able to discuss with others
- Are in tune with their emotional world and are able to enter into the feelings, needs, and concerns of others without losing themselves
- Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others.
First, leaders, may we embody emotional maturity by anchoring ourselves in the unconditionally love of Jesus.
Second, design your discipleship model towards developing emotional mature people, not just theological educated people. Let’s remember that the Pharisees knew the scriptures, but they missed the main point of the Scriptures, Jesus.
“You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me!” John 5:39 NLT
Jesus transforms us into emotionally mature adults.