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  1. What if the spouse continues to deny any problems and refuses to get help or divorces the spouse for confronting the issue?

  2. This is a very dangerous topic and you cannot over emphasize the need for confidentiality. I have known two men, one a married adult who committed suicide and another a teen who left the church and entered the drug culture and has disappeared and whose whereabouts is unknown. Perhaps these outcomes were inevitable, but we will never know. The teen was encouraged by the youth leader to give a public confession. This not only was disclosed at church but quickly spread around the public school. The husband was exposed when his wife shared in a small women’s group and the confidentiality was violated.

  3. Well said! The problem of sexual sin in the church is growing at an alarming rate and the message of hope, freedom and healing has to be communicated to those caught in this web of deception. A partner whose spouse is dealing with sexual sin needs to find that delicate balance of grace and accountability. Quite often this calls for another trusted believer to come alongside the hurting partner to provide godly counsel and support. So glad this message is being delivered to the church. When truth is spoken, the potential for healing begins!

  4. Wow. At Blessing Point Ministries we’ve seen situations like this one. If the wife does not say anything and her husband’s behavior continues and even spreads in the congregation, she may blame herself later for not having said anything. For a pastor to actively engage in this kind of behavior may also mean that he is no longer accountable to lay leadership or that the lay leadership serves to protect the pastor. The longer the situation goes unaddressed the more dysfunctional the body, as a whole, becomes. When this happens in a church, there are larger questions that need to be addressed that have bearings on the entire congregation. Transparency, accountability and healing need to start somewhere. It usually begins with courageous individuals who risk the pain of disclosing sin. They may face the disapproval of some, but like those individuals in the church at Sardis who did not stain their clothes they will be rewarded for their faithfulness. blessingpoint.org

  5. I think the idea of the article is correct. I think that a wife should be able to seek help if something like this is happening and they are dealing with the pain of it. However, they can go to a trusted counselor that understands confidentiallity. They can find ways to cope, during the process, and maybe then find a way to get the husband the help he needs as well. If he sees the changes in her then it might help him desire change. None of what I am saying approves of this bahavior nor intends to tell a wife to not get the help needed for dealing with this. The assumption is that she loves the husband and wants to be with him. In the process to get the help, she would not want to so injure the relationship that there is no way for healing. However, that does not mean not gtting needed help for herself. My prayers are with the many who are dealing with this issue.

    On another note, the use of pornography among women is on the rise in great proportions. So, there must be information available for a husband that finds that his wife has this issue in her life as well.

    • Pastor Ron, You, as many others, are assuming, the wife needs to change somehow. “If he sees the changes in her then it might help him desire change” You are still believing the lie that somehow the wife made him to this. Sin is sin. We make choices individually.

      • Hello i cant believe i’m actually going to say this. But i am a wife whos husband is addicted to pornography. He has been for some time. However he ended up committing adultery and there is now a child in question.

        Brokenhearted of course, to say the least. If not for God and the people he has put around our family i would have gone ballistic, and walked away. But God has allowed this for his purpose, which is what he has revealed, as well as allowing me to keep my composer. I am determined to follow his instruction in order to get the end result he has promised, and be the example he wants.(Hebrews 10:36)

        Before this came out though he did start me on a path (Pastor Ron) you were right with what you said. No i hadn’t done anything wrong, however when i started counseling my husband saw changes in me that ultimately got him thinking and eventually came to sessions.

        (Lori) It isn’t that the wife has done anything but in these situations the pain of these situations can cause the wife to shut down and maybe act out of character, due to the extent of the pain and rejection. But God still requires us to love our husbands, still. Therefore for her own growth, sanity and children sake i think it’s best. As long as they think that person is confidential enough.

        All in love and anyone that may read this, going through something similar be encouraged and continue to renew your faith everyday(easier said than done i know). I haven’t reached yet and i cry everyday but before my fathers feet. Declaring that it is finished and breaking it so it does not even shadow over my children or their children. As hard as it may seem, (it was for me) continue to love your husband, affectionately. There is a higher purpose, it is well and God will have the glory Amen

  6. I pretty much agree with the direction of this article. One question – what sins should the spouse share with others and which should they not share? I do not believe that the hurt spouse’s “healing” is the answer.